LTYER
Last thing you'll ever read…again
Day 7 (Feeling Fine) ~ My 112th Entry.
Oct 23rd
Perhaps its just me, but there are certain things which I can never forget. Not as in a bad way, but a good way. Like its really insignificant and probably wouldn’t affect my life in any way. Well here’s an example. When "Insatiable" by Darren Hayes was first released by Dad was looking up lyrics to it and was asking me a lyrics site. For some reason, I just remember that incident and yeah, its a good song and I’m listening to it now.
Well I don’t know why I’m writing a blog. Have no reason, no purpose. This will be more 112th entry…pretty amazing huh? I didn’t even realise well this was my 100th Blog so feel free to read it…100th Blog Entry.
I wonder how long this blog will last. It’s lasted pretty long, I still don’t know anybody who has a longer blog…yet. So surprise me.
What I’ve realised over and over again is the fact that things NEVER and I repeat NEVER go the way you plan it to. No matter how many variables you account it never goes well. What’s ironic is the fact that things seem to go well when I’m being all pessimistic and not so well when I’m optimistic. The ironies of life. I’m sure it’s happened to everyone and it just happens. There is no reason, it just does, nobody knows how or why and nobody botheres to question it, most people will just get frustrated and then simply go with it. By question I don’t mean "Oh lord, why does this always happen to me?" no, not like that, though I’m not really sure how anybody can question it.
Anyways, I think too much. I reckon I think more than the average person, and I think that’s bad. I think about sutff that hasn’t even occured yet and then tend to day dream about the impossible. The day dreaming is all old until I wake up and tell myself its not real and will NEVER happen. Thinking is good they say, well who said? How do you know that they said it and its not just somebody else making up the fact that somebody else said it?
I’m really not making any sense. Why do I think so much? I should seriously STOP thinking. But how do you stop from "thinking"? Probably gaming is one of em, or perhaps get out more. Also, I think too much about what others THINK. I can’t do it, I can never just simply go "Fuck it" and take action.
I’m not making sense.
So anways, I got my maths HSC tomorrow and I don’t know. I’m like so bored. There’s no constant supply of fun people to talk to. Sometimes one just cannot be screwed talking but its always nice doing something than nothing. I mean there are endless things to do on the net but unless you have someone to do it with, it’s boring. That can be interpreted into so many ways, whichever way you like its up to you.
Oh man, one nasty thing I discovered yesterday is that you can actually get hairy nipples…your probably thinking "Yeh..duh!" but I’m not talking about guys…uh huh…they do exist! Well at least you didn’t have to see a pic of it. That is the biggest turn off. But the most scary bit is the paragrraph next to the image telling how its normal and stuff. I do not want to go there…who would?
Edit: I swear to God, Sally has the best timing *sarcasm* or perhaps it’s me but who knows.
I said this to Chaitu…
[06:50:12 PM] John: i’m gonna take a shower
[6:50:14 PM] Your status has been changed to: Away
[6:50:15 PM] You have modified your name to: John {…something’s up}
12 seconds later…
[06:50:27 PM] -=Sallie=-™<: hey sup?
By the time I was back she was gone…nice timing huh?
Oh yeah on another note…while we’re on the topic…I saw Sally on Saturday after like 6 months? I was left by myself in the Writing Class, though to tell you the truth I didn’t really mind, it turned out okay, at least it was better than having Jamie…
Well my bro wants to play "Incredible" demo…so I’m off. Better luck next time I guess.
*away*
Day 4 (This CBF Nature of Mine)
Oct 20th
Let’s play a game I like to call it state the obvious.
I got a haircut yesterday.
I don’t have school tomorrow.
I’ve got Gu’s tomorrow.
I’ve got SEC the day after.
The day after the day after tomorrow is a Sunday.
The day after Sunday is Monday.
On Monday I’ll be having my 2Unit Maths HSC.
So yes, for the past couple of days I’ve been studying. I’ve been studying like a bitch. Though I can’t really call it that considering the fact that doing a couple of exercises and working on Past Papers, isn’t exactly extreme studying. I’ve been doing around 3 hours of studying each day for Maths though I’m still getting extremely easy questions wrong.
*Turns on geek mood*
Instead of integrating a trignometric function, I differentiated it. I forget to add the C to the end of a indefinite integral. I forget to sub in a value for X after finding y dash. I mean its only 2unit right? It doesn’t count for me considering I’m planning to do 4unit maths.
The Extension 2 maths test is extreme. 8 questions and I think they give you 3 hours to do it. I was looking at the 2004 HSC Extension 2 Maths paper and was planning to find some stuff to imaginary numbers. They had one whole question devoted to the topic and the fact that I actually knew what to do made me happy. I didn’t actually sit down and do it but I knew what the question was asking and how to do it. Still don’t know why I’m doing it, just the how. Well I guess Gu is right about that fact. There is absolutely no point asking why something is done, it just add useless mental pressure. After the HSC, who is actually going to work out the second derivative of an odd function?!
I’m thinking about dropping a subject after the first HSC assessment task, most likely economics. If I tell me parent that I want to drop physics, I’d probably have to cope with a lot of boring statements. Having 10 units won’t be that bad, I’ll have an extra 9 free periods. Which would mean that I can focus on my other subjects more intensively assuming that I use those periods productively.
Some people have 12 units or 11 units to act as "safety nets". I was planning to do only 10 units in the first place and drop Software Design, but I’m good at it, so why drop it? Why not drop a subject that I’m not so good at? Bleh.
So while I’m in the mood of discussing these things. Kelvin is serious about going to ANU. It’s the 16th best University in the world and the best in Australia, 3hours drive away with a fairly low UAI. I haven’t looked it up but according to Kelvin, Software Engineering/Commerce is only a mere 85. So I was thinking I’ll have that as my Plan B. To only go if I fail to meet the cut off of a Sydney Uni. I mean ANU is fine to me, I don’t really care. It’ll be a new experience leaving home for 5 years. But that would include a lot of sacrifices and committment. It would involve not seeing any friends, it would involve making new friends and like I said, that can go both ways. Though the idea of free broadband is a positive, though I highly doubt anybody goes to Canberra for the sake of free Broadband in the dorm rooms.
I get so demoralised reading stuff about successful people. Blah blah did this at the age of 12, blah blah did this at the age of 16. I’m 17 and still haven’t accomplished anything. Makes you wonder doesn’t it?
Oh yeah for you people who haven’t realised, I changed the song on my blog again. This is an awesome song, although I can’t find any pictures of Jin Shua. Her voice is like so soothing. Wish there was a song where it’s just her. Anyways, like the previous song I understand couple of verses but the rest are just words which don’t add up to anything.
Oh yeah on another note, my blog went past 5000 hits. I’m happy, this blog is nearly 1 year old. Oh yeah Happy Birthday to Kelvin this Saturday.
Long live "Milk".
Don’t Pee in the Shower…its bad for the person next to you.
Oct 14th
I absolutely cannot be bothered doing anything right now. Mainly because I had a 8 hour school day and have another 3 hours of schooling tomorrow morning.
Despite the environment of Gu’s dusty, misty, dirty (understatement) time actually goes by fast. Though today, Jesus my mind was wondering else at least four times. I just catch myself thinking about "stuff" only to realise that I should be focusing on the board. There are probably three main reasons. One is the fact that todays work is extremely confusing…okay fine, two reasons, I guess I wrote three as it probably would of been a better number, but anyways, its two reasons and I rather not say the second reason. Hehe. *whistles*
Okay I’m just going to list the work I need to do over the weekend. Phys prac, short story, Gu’s homework and that’s it I guess. I probably also finish it all off tomorrow including some of the scholani homework.
I’ve yet to be picked for basketball. It’s just so bloody stupid. I’m not upset, just dissappointed. I mean if I don’t make it, I’ll have to do softball, and I for one do not like such an idea.
So now, I’m bored and cannot be bothered doing anything except write this blog. Sounds lame huh? Not exactly looking forward to SEC tomorrow morning. Oh and talking about tutoring…I’m going to talk about one incident that happened at GUs today.
Alan Chow found food. I think that doesn’t exactly do him any favours nor ours. It was just a bunch of seaweed under his desk. Shared it around but don’t think he bothered to give it to the front row. So anyways, he opens up one packet and shoves all three seaweed pieces into his mouth. They were wasabi flavoured mind you. So my guess is that it rushed up his nose like a biatch causing him to sneeze. Oh my god, those were nasty sneezes, sounded so wet and good thing he covered his mouth/nose. Though I’m not sure what would be worse. He sneezed into his hand and had this entire hand full of mucus. After all that all you hear is "Shit" coming out of his mouth in a fob accent and then getting tissues out. Oh no he didn’t stop there, he doesn’t learn his lesson, simply does it again and then the process repeats again for two or three times more before he hands the seaweed to Steven to prevent him from eating any more. I’m just surprised that the girl next to me (still don’t know name) was able to cope it all. Not a nice scene. Sorry if you guys are grossed out but thats the truth.
So anyways, SEC tomorrow at 9am. Should I go early, on time or couple minutes late? It doesn’t really matter at all, it isn’t going to get any more interesting. I’m actually enjoying myself whilst learning maths at Gu’s. Awesome place, though I still need to get over the misty smell of smoke and the dry feeling on your hands due to the residue left over from whatever place.
I’m tired now. Should I be bothered brushing my mouth? I’ve got into habit to do it every night but on odd occassions, like today, I just feel like jumping into bed and hope to dream about something nice. Dreams are weird. Somtimes I have dreams which I only remember only when triggered by something in real life. Its weird when that happens as it simply hits me in the face.
Its funny how things work out you know. I’ve said it so many times but its just a nice thing to say…I think. Like you never can really be sure when something bad turns good and vice versa, personally I don’t like the latter and rather prefer the former and find usually the former being more satisfying.
Anyways, I’m going to go to sleep now, hope you enjoyed this. Don’t really care any more or did I ever care? I won’t have no expectations for tomorrow apart from another monotonous class so I wouldn’t have any dissappointments. Did I offend anybody? Have a cry you big baby.
Ich bin hunger.
Oct 10th
First day of school. I always tend to right a blog either on the last day of holidays or the first day of school or the last day of school or the first day of holidays. Predictable oh me. Anyways, I probably won’t be online for the rest of today, so I might as well right this blog now, before I have dinner.
Well, I’m dropping extension 1 English this year, and if I hand it in tomorrow, that would mean I’ll have 2 extra free periods per week, making it 3 free periods a week for the whole of this term. I don’t know what’s going to happen next term though. I got owned in my economics test. I always tend to screw up my multiple choice questions, so I inevitably got 12 out of 20. I also did crap in my second essay. I should focus more on my multiple choice as really those are the marks that I should be getting.
Now moving on…software design. I cam like fifth or something again. The highest was 70% and I got 57%. When Ms Dam said that the 60s was considered to be a good mark, I was hoping to get into the 60s much to my disspointment. I mean, jeez, not to be arrogant or anything but I believe I do have a reputation to live up to.
Farout, looks like no awards night for John…again. This is like my only chance and I blew it.
People are always on about scaling. It ticks me off everytime I hear the word. Blah blah gives excellent scaling…blah blah getts shit scaling. Fuck scaling, as long as you like the subject and your good at it…do it!
Some people were worried that the under-performing people in our SD class will be dragging the rest of the class down in the HSC. In a sense I would prefer a small class where everybody is performing at around the same level. Jesus, what makes this even more depressing is the fact that every single bloody time…Dennis goes "You’ll beat me"…two minutes later ends up walking all over me. I’m not exaggerating, he’s beaten me in practically everything and I know I can do so much better…at least in my mind.
I’ll be looking forward in dropping extension. Looking forward to the free periods, which I’ll probably end up doing work anyways, at least I’ll be using my time up productively.
Oh and guess what? I got 4 pages of writing to hand in by tomorrow, namely Diary Entries. The funny thing is, blogging is pretty much a diary entry. It satisfies all the criterias. I can’t really say this blog, is the best of example for a piece of literature but nevertheless at least I know how to grasp the concept of diary entry. So anyways, it’s nearly five o clock now. I’m going to finish this off and rest until dinner, which isn’t long off, by rest I mean lying on my bed. Oh yeah I also got brading for my blazer today, I feel powerful. After dinner, I’m most likely going to take a shower and then work on my English, followed by Maths and then finally Physics.
I bought the freaking wrong exercise books! I bought the type without the holes thus having no margins! I spent like 40 minutes yesterday ruling margins for my books. I feel like buying new books, man this is pissing me off so hard. I probably buy heaps of books during the Officeworks Back To School Sale in which I’ll probably use the new books and start fresh. Sounds good to me.
I’m blabbering on again, and you probably have something better to do than read me raving on.
"there’s something inside me that pulls beneath the surface…
consuming…confusing…
this lack of self-control I fear is never ending…
controlling…I can’t seem…
consuming…confusing…
this lack of self-control I fear is never ending…
controlling…I can’t seem…
to find myself again
my walls are closing in…
(without a sense of confidence I’m convinced that there’s just too much pressure to take)
I’ve felt this way before
so insecure…"
my walls are closing in…
(without a sense of confidence I’m convinced that there’s just too much pressure to take)
I’ve felt this way before
so insecure…"
Crawling – Linkin Park
What’s the difference between saying something on a record and doing something in a movie?
Oct 8th
Well, this is going to be a proper blog, unlike the last three. By proper I mean, it’s going to extend to over one screen, so if it requires you to scroll to finish reading my blog, then I guess it would be considered proper. Mind you I use 1280*1024 resolution.
Anyways, I’m feeling so emo at the moment. Knowing that school is only two days away. I haven’t done nearly as much work as I should have. I’m worried about my English and Maths. I’m worried about my Eco considering everybody pretty much 2-3 pages more than me in the essays. I’m worried about my physics as I have no idea which road it will go down.
Great timing John. Now I have lunch, guess I’ll have to get into my emo mood after lunch.
I should take SD more seriously. But it just doesn’t feel like a subject that should be taken seriously. When doing SD homework it doesn’t feel like homework. When I program my projects, it feels like a extremely big puzzle which I’m simply filling in. I still can’t hack my score of 18. I guess this is the moment I’m stepping into someone else’s shoe.
The thing is, I like all my subjects. I like physics, I like economics, I like software design, I used to like Maths and last year and I was becoming to liking English. Now I hate English…again and I’m slipping in Maths. Being in the top class doesn’t help at all. I’ve been slipping slowly ever since Year 9 and this semester I took a dive. The thing about being in the top class, is that it’s only beneficial when the people aren’t retards or dickheads. I’m not going to name names (but I sure bloody hell would like to) but certain individuals in my class, take pleasure in seeing other people fall, they are selfish fucks who doesn’t care anything about themselves. Okay fine, maybe that’s just one person, but still it feels like the majority of the class is like that. Maybe its cause I’m seeing the same old faces year after year. The top class was never the best class. Everybody talks, the people who know it don’t pay attention, thus talking, the people who can’t be fucked doing work, thus talking, and in all it makes other people talk. Last year was hell when we had Donne. That was the worst class I’ve been in, it didn’t feel like A it felt more like F which I’m sure behaved more properly than we did. I just hope this semester, I’m in a class similar to that back in Year 8.
Plus on top of all that, I’ve got my 2 unit HSC this year, which I only remembered yesterday. Jesus, luckily it doesn’t count but still I got owned in calculus, and calculus is part of the 3 unit and 4 unit courses. I’m bitching like hell again. I mean, it’s okay, not that I’m forcing you to read this. It’s not like I have a sign that says "I’m bitching again, read my blog".
Some people just piss me off. It’s like everything they do just piss me off, no matter how insignificant. I simply cannot stand any word they say or any action they do and at the same time, in my head I’m thinking "How come you don’t get pissed when other people do it?" It’s a mental battle, I try not to show it but occassionally things slip out.
Mr. Gu is pretty good, I mean, time actually passes. Like during SEC for example, I’m constantly looking at the clock, but yesterday at Gu I looked at my watch and we only had 30 minutes left to class. It didn’t seem boring at all, though I found that everytime I do look at my watch, time seems to go that much slower.
I’m getting so much chain mail these days, each one em being more corny than the next. I hate the ones which are like send this to twenty people and something special will happen to you on blah, blah, or your crush will give you a phone call in blah, all those bullcrap. But I keep them nevertheless, I don’t ever forward them but on the odd occassion I do, and I did send on recently.
Well my mum and bro are gonna be back on Wednesday, looking forward to that. I can once more poke my bro. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, yes? My bro has 12 more years to when its his turn. Theres some much shit on my mind.
I feel like owning a team in basketball preferably Grammar.
01000110 01110101 01100011 01101011 00100000 01011001 01101111 01110101
Holy Jebus
Oct 5th
Damn it, I might have been confused between Kevin and Sally regarding that thingy. How I did it, I have no idea, it’s un-john of me to do so. But not to worry, that error has been fixed as of now. Sorry if it created any confusion.
Anyways, hmmm…what else is there? Got my Driver’s Licence today. What about the 3 word blog? It’s minimalistic, said everything there is to say.
Anyways, another short blog. Oh yeah I made a fancy way of altering the blog two entries down.
"Cause You Don’t Know Me, I don’t know you
So don’t approach me, I won’t approach you
And Don’t insult me, I won’t insult you
Cause you don’t know what I will or I won’t do"
Don’t Approach Me – Xzibit featuring Eminem
Bend On Over
Oct 3rd
Okay screw it, it was my birthday two days ago. I was about to write yesterday but technically today is Monday already so it doesn’t matter. Anyways, 4 people remembered, well namely 3 people remembered and Joe simply stumbled upon it on the forum. I won’t bother mentioning names (how hypocritical) but y’all all know who you are and I thank you.
I was planning to make this as subtle as possible but what the heck, it doesn’t really matter. I didn’t do much, if not anything, went out to dinner at a restaraunt and that’s about it. I wanted this to be all emo and stuff but seriously cannot be fucked, there was no reason to. It was a rather stupid idea. So I didn’t plan anything special, I guess I already got my pressie which I left at Kelvin’s place. It better be okay, I can’t stand my wrist being any more naked for any longer. Hopefully he brings it on Tuesday, better remind him that morning, cause chances are Kelvin WILL FORGET.
Anyways, apart from the crap above, I’ve decided to write this blog due to the fact that Mak has some sort of weird obsession with blogs. Not writing them, reading them. I feel all weird now, knowing that he’s prying at this blog sometime in the near future. Just kidding mate. Anyways, it was funny "who is this gurl thta prank calls you!". That was the line that prompted me to ask "wanna talk to her?". So my night just got a whole lot more interesting.
Haha, it’s been a long time since I’ve had a random convo, and yeah it brings out different aspects of people. Sounds corny right? So now Sally, how many people have you talked to from our school? Let me list them…Henry, Quiton, Yimin, Kevin, Kevin, Kelvin and I’ve left out someone. Hehe.
Anyways, oh and here’s another weird thing that happened today. Kev stated that he wasn’t able to talk to me on "Miranda" and Sally on the other hand, couldn’t talk to anyone apart from me…Hahaha, I’m special.
Damn, who else is reading this blog?!?!?! I’m so paranoid now thanks to Mak.
Anyways, this is another short blog…seems like my blogs are getting shorter whilst Sally’s are getting longer. Have fun prying at Sally’s blog Mak…*shakes head*
Third night running where I’ve gone to sleep at around 1am.
Hope I didn’t bore you.
Not everything is about competition or winning…but it sure feels good to win.
Sep 30th
Alrighty, now. Ever gotten in one of those moods where you can’t be screwed doing anything but the one thing on your mind and you get extremely pissed over something insignificant which you could just simply ignore?
Did that make sense?!
Anyways, yesterday night was one of those nights but I’ll get to that shortly.
Anyways, we went to OfficeWorks and BigW (without buying anything) and afterwards went to family friends place, whose son is also my friend, just one of those things that occur you know.
Anyways, he was watching anime along with his bro and I just sat down and began watching with them. The thing with anime is that once you watch a episode and you like it, you tend to watch the entire series. I watched the last four episodes of this Anime called DearS and I actually enjoyed it. I’m such a hypocrit. Anime was this weird appeal over me, everytime I watch one which I enjoy, I actually want it to happen in real life. Jesus, it’s like anime lets the viewer escape from reality and teases them by not being real. I dunno, I feel all restless after finishing watching a series of anime knowing that it’s all over.
So anyways, he burnt me copies of DearS and Fumoffu, the entire series. I got back home, checked my blog, read the overtly long convo, that was open and had a brief chat, before deciding to "fuck it" and watch anime.
It’s really funny really, you’ve got a convo with around 8 mature guys in Senior years attending Sydney High discussing bowling and the next thing you know…DOTA!!! I mean, I wasn’t exactly laughing, as that was the point when I began PMSing.
So began watching anime I did, I suppose the point when they did finish Dota was the point when the people actually responded on msn. The thing was, I was trying to watch anime and this convo just begins discussing bowling all over again with people pining over everybody and people making up excuses, and what not. I mean jeez, it’s not the end of the world if only 4 people go bowling…
Fuck it. I didn’t write this blog about how shitty my night was last night. It was more to do with my dream I had, yesterday night/this morning.
I’m not going to outline the whole of the story…but it’s just really really amazing, it’s like the events of what occured during the day and some other bits and pieces all shoved into one amazing clump of a dream.
I’m going to use dot points…in no particular order
- There was this one point when somebody was speaking Japanese (must be the anime)
- Hitler was in it about taking over the world (I have no bloody reason why)
- There was this sweet blonde girl with blue eyes around the same year as us talking about the size of mushrooms (don’t even bother asking how or why)
- Henry was rushing off to watch a movie after the speech by Hitler
- I ran after Henry
- Decided to go to Hurstville for some books
- Thought about it being too early as Kev will be at Strathfied at around 3:30 (Mr. Gu)
- Found out the girl was a movie star…(in the dream I was actually told the name by someone but now I forgot)
- Ran back to say something but couldn’t find her
- there was this really big hill which Hitler stood on to give the speech
- we were sitting on the grass talking about stuff
- Mr. Hannon was in my dream
- the girl kept on complaining about Hannon’s size
Anyways, the dream ended when I couldn’t find the girl…haha, does this mean something? Suppose not, cause I don’t think I’ll have anything to do with Hilter anytime soon.
It was a pretty good dream…too bad it didn’t make that much of a reference to DearS. Man I’m sounding like such a dork.
Man whatever…
Sep 29th
A extremely random thought came into my head this morning…err…this morning meaning like 10 minutes ago, considering I just got up and had breakfast…
My dad was planning to cook some meatballs for lunch I guess. That got me thinking, like some literal English translations of Chinese words, proverbs etc are extremely similar in context. But meatballs on the other hand is TOTALLY different. A literal translation of the chinese version would be "Lion heads". That’s pretty interesting. I would believe that the Chinese first came up with the idea and somewhere after Marco Polo the Western people took up the idea and called it something else. I could be wrong but that’s just my hypothethis.
I’m listening to Jing Lin by JJ Lin again. I’m just playing it again as soon as it stops. I have no idea what it’s talking about…I understand like couple of verses but most of the time I’m blank. It’s just a good song.
What should I do today? Perhaps some work?
Bowling on Friday sounds good. Go bowling and then go tutoring afterwards…hehe. Too bad Kevin’s "hand" isn’t the best of hands so he decided to "fold" on this "round". What else do I have to say on this extremely short blog? I’ll add some more when I remember.
