Last thing you'll ever read…again
Archive for February, 2008
Sick of BS
Feb 27th
I’m so impatient these days. I get annoyed so easily. I don’t know why. It feels like this stage in High School where I wanted to just rage at someone and vent everything out but the only reason I didn’t was because I didn’t want to make things awkward or ruin the friendship.
I just want to be peaceful. Have no worries. Just content. I want to be at least indifferent. I just don’t understand how people (especially white people) can be so (or at least seem like) they are so indifferent. I’m jealous. I want to be indifferent.
I wish the next time somebody annoys me I can just be like "Man, that’s cool" rather than "What can I say or do to get back at them?"
*sigh*
Silence (An Jing)
Feb 20th
I can get away with anything when I’m emo. I rarely lie. But today I lied. To my team leader. Being emo helped.
Me: I won’t be able to come in on Friday, would that be a problem?
Him: What’s going on John?
Me: *with solemn face* My brother has the chickenpox, have to look after him
Me: Oh…
So now I have An Jing playing on repeat in the background. I don’t know most of the lyrics, but I guess I understand some of it so that’s good enough.
V znxr lbh srry fnq
V znxr lbh srry htyl
V znxr lbh srry ybaryl
V znxr lbh srry hajnagrq
V znxr lbh srry purnc
Qb V znxr lbh srry ybirq?
Appreciate the music
Feb 17th
There are songs which you listen to and like straight away and will always like. There are also songs which you like but you won’t like couple of days/weeks down the track. There are also songs which you dislike which you begin liking couple of weeks/months down the track. But the songs which I seem to appreciate most are the songs which don’t "mean" anything at first but then when it fits your mindset you just love it.
Does that make sense at all?
Who what when why how?
Feb 16th
Who?
I’m legally an adult…but I feel like a High School student. I’m still trapped in this world where I want to be "limited". I don’t feel like going clubbing, I don’t feel like getting drunk. I’m found that recently, I’ve gone out more often with Diana’s friends than I have with the usual congregation of people. I use people because…I don’t know, I feel rather emo. What’s that saying? Relationships come and go but friendship last a lifetime.
But I beg to differ.
People I refer to as my friend in year 7 I wouldn’t refer to as friends now. So many people I thought were my friend but in the end they’re more of a connection…between you and other friends.
I’ve been "hanging" with a new group of people. They’re all a bunch of nice people but obviously there will always be people who annoy me. But…there are no ragers. Nobody rages. Either I’ve yet to see any raging or nobody annoys each other or I’m just naive and oblivious. One guy even pinched me…near the nipple area…(yes Henry…my aura affects not only you).
I don’t really feel like I belong to any specific group…in every "group" I’m known in I always seem to be tagging along on a leash.
It sorta feels like there’s always "something" going on that I don’t know about.
What?
I get jealous easily. I get angry easily. I get annoyed easily. I work too much. I sleep too little.
I can’t hide my feelings. I hate you people who can. I hate you people who can just hide your emotions behind that face and pretend nothing is wrong especially when you fool me into believing you.
If I’m pissed I show it. If I’m angry I show it. If I don’t get enough sleep I show it on my face.
I just want to stop being such a tool. Such a jerk. People who know me probably get used to it or simply ignore it but when I’m comfortable I tend to bag you out. If I don’t bag you out then…something might be wrong. And when I’m with people I bag them out and it seems like I’m just being a complete jerk. Fair enough you know.
When?
Too often.
Why?
I was made this way. Nurture or nature? Probably more nature. People shift and change me. I can’t help it. Maybe someone can help me.
How?
Shit happens…that’s how.
I’ll probably delete this blog some time…(I’ve deleted sooo many blogs…this isn’t the first one I’ve written since my last blog…I’ve written one previously but removed it…I think only 1 person "read" it).
