Archive for October, 2006

Click me SD

Software Design…
 
I wrote 7 booklets worth…
 
Wrote 7 pages on question 21, 6 pages on questions 22 and 23 and 4 pages on question 24. If I have like 30 more minutes…I might have written 7 pages each on questions 22, 23 and 24. For the first time I actually felt like I was running OUT of time.
 
Well I managed to understand and do EVERY question. Not sure if my algorithm is correct as I may have misinterpreted the question (it still confuses me a bit as to why bother using a two dimensional array considering since the index will be the same anyway…unless it’s actually different which will defeat the whole purpose since why the fuck would you bother having an array containing information that ISN’T sorted.)
 
Okay…I got home…had dinner and I watched Click. I think Henry and somebody else mentioned it on the forum saying something about it and I thought "I’ll download it…" So I did. Watched it I did. Enjoyed it I very much.
 
It actually made me tear…during the end when he "dies". I sorta hate it how they moved on from those "and it was just a dream" endings to "it was just a dream but somehow everything had actually ‘happened’" sorta endings. If I "spoiled" the ending I’m sorry but it’s your fault for reading not my fault for not warning you.
 
So yeah I actually had tears in my eyes…but that does not make me any less of a man :P
 
It’s a good movie. I never hated Adam Sandler movies and they always give me a good laugh. Nice to see that he’s able to do more "mature" movies whilst still maintaining the Adam Sandler humour.

Can’t sleep

For some odd reason, I can’t seem to fall asleep that easily at night these days. I go to bed at 11 and manage to fall asleep past 12. It started when HSC begun. Maybe there’s a link?
 
But tonight is weird. I’m still not asleep.
 
They say if you can’t fall asleep you should get up and do something. So here I am typing up this blog. Everytime I rest my head down I just think of random stuff. The more I tell myself to sleep the more I can’t sleep.
 
I really want to do well in the exam today and hope all is well.
 
God, I feel like calling someone, but don’t want to wake them up in the process. I don’t even feel tired. My eyes are even sore.
 
I think I should stop dozing off in the afternoon now. It’s beginning to become quiet the problem.
 
Must keep myself preoccupied at all times.
 
Hopefully I can catch 5 hours of sleep tonight. Too bad nobody will be reading this since you’re most likely all asleep.
 
Well, let’s try going to sleep shall we.
 
Good night John.
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
I managed to fall asleep…somehow…at around 3. Got around 4 hours of sleep. Eyes had this extremely dry and sore feeling but they weren’t red. Had breakfast, got on a train and headed for school. I got to school and felt like vomiting.
 
I got into the exam room and the vomitting feeling went away.
 
The exam was pretty easy. For the first time I wasn’t around people who began discussing the paper. I couldn’t be fucked so I simply went around the whole mcdonald wing to pick up my bag (cause I left it there…) and then I gave Diana a ring cause I was feeling like shit and don’t feel like hugging Kelvin or anybody else…(not even Dennis).
 
Kelvin probably took the piss and went home. After their lunch ended I went home as well.
 
I decided to head to the library and so I did and saw some friendly faces.
 
The thing about living at the same place for the majority of your life is that you gradually seem to be able to "know" everybody. People just popup and you go "Hey look it’s that guy…" Man there’s like soooo many people that I "know" by face simply because I see them regularly.
 
Tutoring Colleges = Dating Service
Library = Social Club
 
I guess the only real reason that I went to the library is to keep me awake. I knew that if I went home I would go take a nap resulting in me not being able to sleep again at night and I do NOT want to relive last night. Last night was perhaps the WORST sleep I’ve ever had. And the worst thing is I had NOTHING to worry about on my mind. Generally I worry about something *cough*cough* but last night I just couldn’t fucking fall the fuck asleep.
 
Anyway, do you ever feel sorta "out of place"? Like everybody knows everybody but you don’t know everybody and they’re going "Who the hell is this guy?!" Hehe. Yep. I hate those situations but I try to make best with what I can.
 
I reorganised my contact list. I decided to re-add everybody…hehe…i.e. I added all the people who I don’t talk to on my allow list. Now I have around 90 something people. I’ve also reorganised the groups…it’s now in 3 groups. Friends, HIGH ’06 and Others. If you are in others…then it means that you added me and you’re from out of school and we don’t talk much. However, there are one or two people that I’ve added that’s in others and if you are those people then I apologise as I really shouldn’t have added you in the first place. But it always feels good to move people to the "Friends" group. I mean even though it doesn’t do much it makes me feel better to see the number of friends I have…ahahahaha. Though over time it may change. Also I’m throwing the term "friend" extremely loosely. It doesn’t make much difference, those who are on it won’t know themselves…though the people who reads my blog should be on it.
 
You know…today made me miss the old primary school days. The days when I felt embarrassed for being "smart". I mean HIGH has been awesome, but it never really made me feel all that "special". I mean sure at primary school I was competing with whites/lebs/eastern euros etc but there was always this sense that it was "wrong" to be smart. Maybe everybody wants to stand out from the rest…but…I don’t know…
 
…I miss Primary School. Still remember all those schoolyard stuff…"blah blah likes blah blah!!!"

Making God Cry

******* is not MW.
 
If you don’t know what the asterisks mean by the end of this blog you’re either a girl or you have no hands.
 
Think about it. You have to take the time to look up a nice clip. Make some clicks to get it going. You have to sit back and download it.
 
It’s probably an 1 hour clip but honestly who actually watches more than 15 minutes of it? Most people just watch 2 minutes of the beginning, 5 minutes of the middle and then 8 minutes at the end. You have to get tissues ready and make sure nobody is around.
 
After you’re done you have to close the damn thing, hide the file (if it’s not already hidden) or delete it wasting 1 gig of download for 15 minutes of not so active "fun". Then there’s that undescribable feeling you get afterwards which is like "man…wtf did I just watch?! Did the protagonist have a tentacle?!?!" Maybe not so extreme (for normal people) but you know what I’m talking about.
 
Now whilst all this is happening, you’re on Defcon 1 sensing any signs of attack. Any footstep or door squeeks creates paranoia. As soon as you hear it you have two options. You guys know perfectly what the options are.
 
After it’s all done you hold that ball of tissue and wander into the toilets and flush it down. But before you do so, you wait couple of seconds and then you flush so you’re parents think that you’re actually using the toilet. You proceed to wash you’re hands (you’d better!) and then go back to your computer and perhaps continue on with what you were doing previous…perhaps resume talking to people on MSN thinking "The busy sign is not just for show idiots!"
 
Defcon 5.
 
After a week or so, you realise that your download limit is up and you’d want to watch that tentacle protagonist again but it’s too late, it’s gone.
 
You parents then question you why you have used up the download limit already and then proceed to ask why the hardrive is full. You reply with "I’ve been downloading tv shows" and if that’s not enough proceed to show the tv shows you’ve downloaded before hand of which some you’ve haven’t watched or in some cases even heard of.
 
See? Being a guy is hard!
 
I mean sure you girls complain about periods and having two types of cancer dedicated to women but come on! You don’t have to go through a ritual everytime you feel lonely.
 
You just hop into bed and pretend you’re sleeping and all is well. Unless you "leak" then simply say you have a weak bladder. Problem solved! Us guys can’t do that…mainly cause it makes a rather predominant stain.
 
On a side note…I’ve done jackall studying today. Did about 2 and a half questions for 4U from 1999 paper. I just can’t be screwed (no pun intended).
 
Disclaimer: This blog is in NO way affiliated with my life or it’s counterparts. Interpret at your own disgression.

Ego boost

I decided to organise some of my stuff again, and this time I decided to collect all my "achievements" at High and put them under one folder.
 
I’ve made some interesting discoveries. I’ve participated in 5 English Competitions of which i received 4 participations and 1 credit. Funnily, in the year which I got credit I got participation in the writing competition. I’ve also managed to get 5 credits in the science comp.
 
I was looking over my old reports and made another interesting development. Man year 10 was a good year. Distinctions and High Distinctions in all the major subjects (Excluding history). But it was hilarious…I got Credit for History and the Band I got was 6. I got band 5 in the school certificate. My mark was 80…I nearly got a band 4. For Geography I got distinction and my band was 6 in the school cert I managed to also get band 5. Meh.
 
Siobhan thinks I’m her hero. I still have problems acknowledging the fact that we’ve yet to meet.
 
I was on her space just then and decided to read my horoscope.
 
Libra:
An unexpected conversation with a current or potential romantic partner could end with both of you revealing a lot of your deepest feelings, dear Libra. This discussion may only indirectly concern the status of your relationship, but you will learn a lot about each other that might cause you to consider seriously whether or not you want to continue with the relationship. All signs imply, however, that the relationship might change slightly, but it will continue.
 
Two words. FUCK YOU.

Memories…

I often find myself in my room with nothing to do. And thus I procrastinate.
 
I procrastinate in many ways…generally I just sleep but when I’m not I tend to:
 
1. Lie on my bed and take a nap (I took a 3.5 hour powernap today :D )
2. Listen to my mp3 player
3. Read the SMSs on my phone (got around 72 messages last time I checked…should be a lot more since I had to switch phones)
4. Organise my room
 
I LUUUURVE organising my room. It’s so damn fun. When I mean by organising my room I mean throwing shit away. Today I did a bit more of organising. I threw away all my AOS stuff :) I was thinking "Hmmm…what if somebody I know might need this?" and then I thought "Nah, who the fuck wants English notes?! And more importantly who the fuck wants MY English notes?!" So out they went. If I had my fireplace I would have enjoyed burning them.
 
I then collected up all the stuff that "require" throwing up and stacked them into a draw. Man I have 5 years of SBHS work. They fill up two whole drawers. These aren’t desk drawers btw these are those long ass drawers equivalent of 4 desk draws. I filled it up completely with SBHS stuff. I also found my old dinosaur collection. Man those brought back memories. I remember spending like an hour or so reorganising the cards alphabetically, and then by weight, and then weight and alphabetically, but then I just went back to being alphabetical. I never really "finished" my collection as my dad couldn’t be bothered paying 10 bucks a month to get the next package. My glow in the dark T-Rex is like f-z03d and was thrown out ages ago by my mum WITHOUT telling me. I’ll take pictures of my collection and post it up some time :) It’s just this fat binder full of these cards. I also collected those Tazos and also have a collection of dinosaur stamps. Yes I was a fanatic back then. I remember even taping Jurassic Park and Lost World on tape, I also had the tap recording on Dinotopia. I had EVERYTHING related to dinosaur I could get my hands on. Hehe.
 
Anyway, all the SBHS stuff would be in the trash soon. I figured that they might serve "sentimental value" but now I realised a heap of maths books don’t serve much sentimentality. It’s not like I’m gonna go "ahhh…completing the square, brings back memories of that time when…"
 
I’m gonna give away/sell all my notes/textbooks/workbooks for all my subjects. Going to get rid everything that’s remotely related to HSC after the HSC. Going to delete all my essays and stuff on my computer as well. I might zip it up and then upload it to a random server for safe keeping INCASE somebody MIGHT want it. I have 60 megs worth of shit but most of it is due to past papers.
 
I went back onto lying on my bed and began reminiscing childhood stuff. I remember getting a beating for playing with sand from my grandmother. I was sorta shocked that the primary school actually GAVE you a sand pit to play in. Man…how many of y’all played in the sandpit? I know I fucking did. Primary school = sandpit, handball, tips and the playground. But yeah I had heaps of fun in the sandpit, making tunnels all day and then have some loser destroy it at the end of lunch. Hehe.
 
I also dug out my Year 5 photo, I can’t find my year 6 photo!!! Damn! Ah well. I’m also planning to throw away my North Shore trophies. Here’s an interesting fact for you. I recieved maths trophy in year 6 (were they given out by term or semester?) with Keiran and Thomas in my class. Yup that’s right.
 
It just shows that you can go a long way when you give up something called "life".
 
Alright I’m done.

Gah…bad feeling.

Okay, those who were in the convo should know what happened but I’m gonna talk about it anyway even if nobody cares.
Kelvin was going on about having a good night’s sleep and Henry + Dennis were on about staying up to do AOS stuff and so I was thinking “wtf? Why don’t they just get some sleep and get it done tomorrow?”
Okay, so basically they fooled me into thinking that today was AOS day. Man a sense of pure “fuckedness” spread over me. It’s not funny! Man, I just felt my heart beating like a bitch I ran into my room to check the date and it was on the 20th. I thought that perhaps there was a date change or something. Bitches.
Anyways, I’ve memorised 4 paragraphs. Got 1 more to go. Was hoping to finish in the morning but it’s just soooo damn hard!!!
I also got another one of those lame forwards. I’ve actually got it before and I’ve done it twice previously but I thought I’d do it again :P
Okay, if your reading this then I’ve most likely have sent it to you. If you haven’t then you can just go die cause nobody cares about you.
If you have done it or you’re planning to do it then just highlight the below cause I don’t want to ruin it for those who wish to do it. If you do want to do it, do it now and then read on.
1. THE NUMBER of PEOPLE YOU MUST TELL ABOUT THIS GAME is found in SPACE 2
I put 28. Fuck!
2. THE PERSON IN SPACE 3 IS THE ONE YOU LOVE
I don’t need this fucking forward to tell me.
3. THE PERSON YOU LIKE but your relationship CANNOT WORK is in SPACE 7
This is not who you’re thinking
4. YOU CARE MOST about the PERSON you put in SPACE 4
Hehe, I thought I would care most about the person in 3…but then again it didn’t say you can’t repeat names but I just assumed that. Meh
5. THE PERSON YOU NAME IN NUMBER 5 IS THE ONE WHO KNOWS YOU VERY WELL.
Hmmm…perhaps.
6. THE PERSON YOU NAMED IN 6 IS THE YOUR LUCKY STAR
WTF is a lucky star?!?!? Well apparently it’s my brother. Wtf does that mean?!
7. THE SONG IN 8 IS THE SONG THAT MATCHES WITH THE PERSON IN NUMBER 3
豆浆油条 – nuff said
8. THE TITLE IN 9 IS THE SONG FOR THE PERSON IN 7
Um…Sally, apparently Lose Yourself is your Song…
9. THE 10TH SPACE IS THE SONG THAT TELLS YOU MOST ABOUT YOUR MIND
Breaking the Habit :D
10. AND 11 IS THE SONG TELLING HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT LIFE
Love Before the Century?!?! WTF?!
11.  NUMBER 1 IS YOUR LUCKY NUMBER
Yup
Okay I’m done. Good luck in the HSC people! See you when it’s all over.

Our…

21st Century…
 
Our communication – Wireless
Our dress – Topless
Our telephone – Cordless
Our cooking – Fireless
Our youth – Jobless
Our food – Fatless
Our labour – Effortless
Our conduct – Worthless
Our relation – Loveless
Our attitude – Careless
Our feelings – Heartless
Our politics – Shameless
Our education – Valueless
Our follies – Countless
Our arguments – Baseless
Our boss – Brainless
Our Job – Thankless
Our Salary – Very less

Crushed

I hate English.

You know it’s true. We tend to hate the subjects we’re crap at. But I just feel so utterly defeated.

I’m at school right now…in the library…the only other person here is Eddie who’s probably doing some sort of work whilst I’m here typing up this pathetic blog cause I’m feeling rather emo.

I spent at least 4 days correcting/editing/fixing up my four essays for English believing them to be better. I’ve handed them in to Walles she’s taken a look and my worst fears were correct. It was an utter piece of shit. I just don’t understand. I read my previous essays, I tell myself that they were a piece of crap and attempt to fix it up only to be told that they were worse than my previous essays.

I guess the only thing I can trully write are blogs :P And I will personally KILL whoever bitches down my blog. Bitch about my essays but don’t bitch about my blog. My blog is PERFECT.

God I’m just going to catch a schoolbus home, lie on my bed and hope to powernap my fucking English problems away. Have dinner and try and work on the fucking essays. FUCK!

Fucking English. I am so glad that there won’t be any further English lessons. There goes my hopes of attaining a Band 6 or perhaps a high band 5. Jebus. Gah!!! Motherfucker. I have to get a band 6 in SDD otherwise its fucking…gah!!!

I have like 1 hour left here at school, don’t know what to do. Why is English so hard lord?

Feel so lost in terms of stuff. You never know when my mind changes or how often it changes. Jesus, it’s really rare that I have a definitive aim. Only time can tell. I’ll finish this blog when 6th period rings.

I wanna run away, never say goodbye, I wanna know the truth, instead of pondering why, I wanna know the answers, no more lies, I wanna shut the door and open up my mind.
Something has been taken from deep inside of me, a secret that I’ve kept locked away no one can ever see…If i can change I would, take back the pain I would, trace every wrong move I would…take all the pain to the grave.
I don’t know whats worth fighting for, or why i have to scream, I don’t know why I instigate and say what I don’t mean, I don’t know how I got this way, I’ll never be alright. So I’m breaking the habit, I’m breaking the habit…tonight.

Note: I realise the above may be wrong. STFU

Okay 6th period is up.

Bye.

Not enough study…too much sleep.

I came, I saw and I slept. It always happens! It’s just that when I’m NOT doing anything I get sleepy. Like say when I’m at school, I’m hardly ever sleepy (except for subjects like Economics where I’m always sleeply even at 9am in the morning). When you give me something to do OUTSIDE of my house I don’t get sleepy. Whenever I enter my house the next best thing to do is just lie on my bed and sleep.
 
Sleep is good for many things. You can sleep your worries away and sleep when you have to wait for something. After HSC, I’ll probably be getting 8-10 hours of sleep a day (hopefully) and then work on my random plans which I have going. Ought to be good, keep myself busy…away from sleep.
 
Yesterday, I spent like 5 hours in my room in front of my desk doing work…and probably only did 3 hours worth. Even when I’m NOT on my bed I just doze off. I tend to sit back…have my book infront of me and then just shut my eyes. I then force myself up and spend the next 10 questions doing 1 physics question. I seriously should finish doing all my papers for physics and then memorise dot points. It’s like, I know the concepts all clearly but I can never put it down and interelate it to each other. Hopefully it all comes to be in the exam…I want that band 6 god damnit!
 
So yes…today…after dinner I’m going to finish the 3u paper that I was working on and then take a shower, watch an episode of Futurama (even though I’m downloading the entire season) and get back to do some SDD studying. God, 4U maths is killing me. Hopefully, my 40 something rank will push me up to a E4 if I manage to fuck it. 3U should be all cool, physics hopefulyl will be okay due to my relatively "high" ranking. SDD is like a "wtfer". I cannot fuck it up…if I do it’s a GG (god I can’t believe I just used that). But it’s true…giving up on Economics. I might spend like 8 hours at the library every day…for the days leading up to the eco exam after 3u. I have not touched eco at all. Thank god I did SD. I mean…if people who don’t even try at eco can beat me…well it just shows how much I trully suck.
 
Biggest worry is perhaps English.
 
Section I and II of Paper 1 should be fine. I just need to come up with a creative writing piece. Section III I need to work on but that should be fine if I can memorise everything.
 
With Paper 2, think I’ll be fine for Module B and C since I got 17/20 for those essays and since I’ve refined those I should do a bit better if I manage to memorise those. My Module A is a shocker…need to rework it like a bitch. I fear radio interviews. Do NOT give me a speech. Gah…give me a feature article, I OWN feature articles like a bitch…well relative to my other text types. It’d be hilarious if they’re like "Write a blog entry on how…blah blah blah"
 
God, only 1 week left…fuck. Seriously, why is SDD in between 4u and 3u?! I need to print out some past SDD papers and work on those. Maybe do it tonight. *adds to todo list*
 
BTW…I actually have a todo list…it’s not a mental note I’m adding. There is a todo list on my desktop. :)
 
Hmm I’ve got a plan ready leaving up to HSC…Wednesday and Thursday = pure AOS memorising. Weekend = pure Modules memorising. Tuesday = SDD memorising. Wednesday and Thursday = physics memorising. Weekend = 4U, SDD and 3U.
 
Then I’ll be free!!! Apart from the 8 Hour a day eco plan I got myself set up. Hmmm…go to library at 10am…leave at 6pm. I’ll probably end up studying with someone.
 
Well I’ve been doing around 3-5 hours these days…I always tell myself that I’ll study after dinner but I never get to do it. I WILL DO IT TONIGHT. I think I’m gonna start a new book and focus on doing 4U past papers. Start from scratch and just do them. I’m making too much "I will do this…I will do that" these days. Somehow need to maniupulate it into "I am doing this…I am doing that".
 
Yes this is a boring blog and I don’t expect anybody to read it.
 
@Henry – Name dropping is too hard.
 
John out.

Spend some time

I have many plans on what to do after HSC; however, unlike most people, going overseas is not part of my agenda. Well honestly, if my parents suggest it…I might head back to China for like couple of weeks but if they don’t I’ll be happy where I am now. I would probably prefer if they went on a holiday without me :P That would be fun. Man…such thoughts only exist in dreams.
 
But anyways, I was studying before and my mind just wandered off. I was thinking…"man I got soo many things to buy". I can’t say I’m uptight in regards to money…it’s just that I don’t buy things unless I have a good justification. I don’t understand why people buy like 200/300/400 dollar pairs of shoes etc.
 
I would like to get myself a shelf…and inside the shelf existing unopened copies of genuine Eminem and Linkin Park albums. Hehe…in addition, copies of the Matrix Trilogy AND the Collectors edition of the 10Disk Matrix Boxset. Yup…get myself a credit card…and buy it off Amazon.
 
Then there’s the new computer I would hope my parents would get me. I’ll probably do some research and get the best 2k computer possible. Save up some more and purchase myself a webcam, bluetooth headset and a nice keyboard+mouse. Might also get a nice set of 5.1 surround sound speakers to go with the comp.
 
Then there’s the Formal Tie I need to get along with a pair of shoes, also plans on how to get to the formal and back.
 
I also need to make that video which I told myself that I would…I have some ideas in my head but then again ideas always work insdie my head and rarely works out in real life.
 
My dad also tells me to go to the gym and I agreed to that, who knows maybe I’ll even get a six pack :P ahaha
 
Along all that I also need to get myself a passport/medicare card/debit card which shouldn’t be too difficult.
 
Getting a job will probably be the MOST difficult. I should have got myself a job at like Bing Lee and simply take some leave for the HSC…now that I’m 18 it would be more difficult looking for jobs…unless I apply at like some fast food outlet which I will refuse to do. I doubt any of those dodgy asian computer stores will hire me since their mentality would just be "Why would I pay you to do something which I can do for free?" Anybody know anybody that can get me a job? I was also thinking of starting like a home business or something. This woman from my mum’s work apparently paid 100 bucks for two hours to a computer "technician" to setup her computer. No I’m not talking about, putting the computer together and plugging it in, I’m talking about installing Windows along with some antivirus programs. Diana can do that! (So proud of chu). My "word of mouth" scheme for my business isn’t working too well. Currently I’ve had 0 customers. I mean I could start charging people on MSN who ask me for help but that wouldn’t be fair :P Damn my conscience!
 
I might get my dad to buy me a webhost…couple bucks a month…make my own site…get a freelance career going. I mean honestly, who in their right mind would pay 100 bucks to install software?! Yes that was an rhetorical question but free to do answer if you really wish to.
 
Like seriously…my dad get all these requests from people at work over computer problems. He comes to me with the problems…I fix them…and he takes the credit. I remember fixing a laptop which had a screwed up optic drive. It was running Windows 98 so even a lan would be difficult to establish. I used a FLOPPY DRIVE to install a copy of AVG. God that took ages…but in the end I did my stuff.
 
Okay, I need a GFX dude to make my little website and I also need someone who knows html/php. Anyone? I’ll give you 10% of all profits (for like the first 10 customers :P )!!!
 
Another big task would be getting my Ps. I hate parking. Gah.
 
I also have a couple of side "quests" to accomplish such as finishing ff8 and ff7, watching house, watching futurama, get myself a copy of WoW and watching all the eps of Dragonball/Z/GT. Hehe, I’m such a kid.
 
Somebody give me some motherfucking money!!!
 
But you know all of these are short term goals which I hope to accomplish before the year ends.
 
Hehe…amongst all this, I’m also gonna put aside some time for "myself" something which is hard to come by these days.
 
I’m outie…till next time.