Last thing you'll ever read…again
Archive for March, 2006
Recognition and Acceptance…
Mar 28th
Today has been one rather weird day. It’s funny how one insignifcant incident can cause such an outbreak.
Forget what I just wrote above.
So today or should I say…tonight…I will be discussing the pathetic nature of the homo-sapien in search for recognition and acceptance.
We all want recognition for our actions. Whether big or small, nevertheless recognition for what good we’ve done. You pick up a pen or rubber for a friend and they respond with a "Thank You" or you might recieve a special gift if you do something really special…who knows…recognition…we all want it.
Or perhaps we want too much of it that we don’t care what we do as long as we get it. It’s rather pathetic how some people can just do something in order to expect recognition for what they’ve done. Though there are those who are trully deserving…who’ve done something consistently throughout their lives…not really expecting recognition. The one’s which tick me off are those who do one SINGLE thing and expect to be all of a sudden the hero. Sorry buds, you don’t cut it. You will get your recognition but that does not mean your an caring person all of a sudden.
*sigh*
Then there’s acceptance on the other hand. Everybody wants to be accepted in some form or another, if it means to be a complete asshole in order to be accepeted into a particular group then so be it. You don’t go into a new school trying to make the school get used to you…you must get used to the school. So I guess that also relates to how the images of some people are portrayed. You see them hanging around the "wrong crowd" and you immediately deem that person a dick.
For example. If I were to ask any person that doesn’t go to my school, in our grade, what they think of SBHS, most likely they would say that we’re a bunch of retards. It’s true, you ask what they think about the school and they respond with "bunch of retards" but if you were to ask what they think of you as a person they probably respond with "you guys seem nice". Or something along those lines.
Acceptance people. To recieve acceptance you are portraying an image which may or may not neccessarily be you. Whether you like it or not that image will stick unless you decide to change. People don’t like change.
I have my acceptance so where on Earth is MY recognition? Seriously though, I don’t care.
If people have the heart to show some recognition they would do it, otherwise it wouldn’t matter one way or the other. I don’t like phonies.
Friday Arvo madness…
Mar 24th
So Kelvin…I told you so.
Nothing ever works out the way you plan it. It’s chaos theory, it may SEEM like everything WILL work out but it NEVER does. I mean I wasn’t surprised, I wasn’t expecting anything so didn’t get any dissapointments. Hehe, it was still cool though, got A LOT of laughs as usual. Two for one combo.
But anyways, what else was I planning to say? Well probably nothing which I can write here…considering the number of lurkers on this blog. Though let’s just say…well let’s not.
Anyways, moving along. Regarding my previous blog.
I hate those sort of things. Okay…its like you guys select the my good characteristics and it gets displayed, and hows up statistically. Big whoop, as if I really need to know what you guys think of me well, not my good side anyways. I mean sure…75% of people (3 people) put dependable as one of my traits. Well its not like I’m going to be any more or less dependable by knowing that 75% people think that I’m dependable.
Moving along to that negative thingo. Only one person did it. Fair’s fair. There can be 2 possiblities to this reason:
1) You don’t want me to know what you think of me
2) You don’t know me well enough to see any bad sides.
Makes sense.
Though I don’t think the results will change my personality in any way. Everybody has flaws and mine just happen to be those (whatever they might be) and I can’t really help it. Pfft, I don’t know and I don’t care.
Anyways, back to Gu’s.
Oh yeah. I just realised something. I tend to payout people. Like, not as in bag out but just little insults here and there. It’s weird and I can’t really help it. I just say it without thinking.
For example:
Kev: Curve sketching blows…
Me: Kelvin
It was like instinct. I have this special "diss Kelvin" sense or something. I promise I will use it for the better of mankind. So if I have you dissed you in any way or form…as long as I have a smile on my face you know I don’t mean it.
*sigh* Why can’t SEC be the same way as Gu’s? Everything eventually goes full circle.
And also, I’m really getting sick of this 6 degree of seperation piece of crap. Everybody I know seem to be linked to each other in some way or form, both indirectly or directly.
Edit: I’m really scared now…there were 65 views on my blog today. Who knows who read it. I’m getting really really paranoid.
Hate me or love me I don’t care…
Mar 21st
Jason Diep asked me to do his so I decided I might as well make one for myself and get you guys to do it. I can’t be screwed starting convos to get people to do it, if you guys care enough you’ll do it without me having to ask you.
Here’s the first one where you can just think up all the nice things to say about me.
And this one is one you’ll enjoy doing. Let it all out.
Have fun now 
Social Problem Number 258: Seating Arrangements
Mar 16th
Everyday we undergo this, seating arrangments. Think about it, in the morning you probably sit on a bus or train to school, then you might catch a school bus which you may also be sitting down. You get to class and again there are seating arrangements in class. The same process occurs while your going home, at tutoring (*sigh*) and pretty much anywhere where it involves seats.
Now there is this "natural order" of seating plans. Now that natural order can EASILY be broken by someone sitting in a position which does not belong to them. Okay, okay, fair’s fair, they have the RIGHT to sit there though it does not give them any reason to. I’m not expressing myself very well (as usual).
Sample situation A:
You and a friend are getting on a bus with a neutral between the two of you. Your friend takes a two seater and the neutral sits next to your friend leaving you somewhere else to sit. Your friend is probably thinking "Err…wtf" and the neutral is thinking "Yay, I got a seat!" and you’re thinking "Awww…I’m all nigel…" Get my drift? The neutral by all means have the right to sit there though if they were more intuitive would realise they do not belong in that seat.
Sample Situation B:
The three friends combo. This is perhaps the most excruciating ordeal any three friends have to endure. Friend A rocks up to a two seater, Friend B must then need to decide whether to sit next to Friend A or sit in another seat. If Friend B sits next to Friend A it leaves Friend C to sit alone on another seat. HOWEVER, if Friend B sits in another seat that creates a even more of problem for Friend C as they now have to choose which seat to sit in, so then it becomes let’s play favourites. I prefer the former situation. Sometimes it’s best to be nigelated than nigelate (or perhaps that’s just me).
Sample Situation C Part 1:
The friend of a friend combo. This is also another bugger to experience. Your friend has a friend who is neutral with you and all three are planning to get seats on a bus. The friend of a friend takes a seat and your friend then has to choose whether to reject their friend or you. If they reject their friend its pretty much smooth sailing for you but otherwise can be rather demoralising.
Sample Situation C Part 2:
In this part you are the central friend with two other friends who may not be necessarily friends or close friends. It’s best to position yourself first in line in this situation and play the "first come first serve" game. Otherwise you are in quiet a shithole…literally. Though this can vary as people’s personalities are all different.
There is another sample situation D which I will not be talking about and be leaving you guys to think to yourselves. This one is unique as it sorta throws off all logic.
Anyways, with time a natural equilibirum tends to occur. You know your place. You begin to know where to seat intuitively, however, mistakes do occur. In the classroom sense, it’s a lot easier to maintain this equilibrium but in other situations like in restaraunts, funparks or tutoring places (again…*sigh*) there are those who need to fight for a specific seating. Probably the reason why I tend to stay at the back and just sit where there is an empty space. Doesn’t work out the best but hey at least I don’t have to fight for a damn seat.
Human nature…what a wonderful thing.
Note: Nothing could be any more ironic than the line above.
Edit: And yes I broke my routine of having a Friday night blog. *sigh*
Total Sigh Count for this blog: 3
Edit2: Comment goddammnit! Make me feel better by commenting!
1 + 1 = 3
Mar 12th
If the majority of the population believed that 1 + 1 = 3 does that make it the truth or is that wrong? There really is no such thing as truth, truth is just a concept we humans made up to define what’s right. Though what’s right and wrong is only defined by the majority of people who accepts it.
Though you may argue that 1 + 1 cannot ever equal to 3 unless the meaning of the word 3 has been altered. So what if I tell you suddenly all of a sudden the meanings of the word two and three have instantaneously be swapped? Will it then satisfy the above outcome?
So anyways, out of the $96 worth of chocolate I’ve sold $78 leaving of course $18. Sold my first box in two days and I sold $30 worth yesterday. Selling chocolates is actually quiet fun…once people start buying from you. I might even get another box if there are any spares to sell it. I’ll have to sell 4 boxes to get close to raising $100. I don’t know why I’m doing it. If I’m doing it simply for it to show on my CV then I would have only chose to sell one HOWEVER, I might have choosen to sell two to make it SEEM like I’m doing it for a just cause.
Forum is running nice and smoothly, have 110 members, quiet a large archive of past papers and what not. Richard asked me if I would like to write a piece for the grade newsletter and I agreed. I had some trouble writing it, considering EVERYBODY will be reading it (I assume) and the fact that it can’t be lame. Overall I think I did a relatively good job of it.
Yesterday, SEC wasn’t as boring. Talking about Feminism and what not and it’s amazing the stuff you can raise from nothing. I also tried selling chocolates in class out of everybody I sold it to only 3 guys bought it…and those were the teachers…who happened to be not Asian. I’m not trying to be stereotypical or anything (or maybe I am) but I was walking out the door and saw these two guys…offered them chocolates and one guy decided to fiddle around with his wallet trying to get some money, afterwards he apologised and end with "I’ll have it for free though" some other guy walked by and said "What? I’ll have it for free" and began grabbing at the box. It ended with the first guy going "Who wouldn’t buy it for free?!" I don’t know what their definition of the term ‘buy’ is but when I think of the word ‘buy’ I see exchanging money for goods and services. When your ‘buying’ something for free, it’s not really buying…it’s taking.
I don’t know why but Mr Gu still seems to fly by really quickly even though I absolutely hate what we’re doing. Curve sketching is such a bitch. What’s funny about Gu’s is that NOBODY knows anybody’s names directly. I know the names of everybody in the first row, bar one, INDIRECTLY. Never actually went up and formally asked for their names. Chocolate?
What else about my life is there to write about? I don’t know, that should be it.
Are there any lurkers out there? I know your there.
EDIT: I have read Nineteen Eighty-Four Jesse! If you actually read it properly…YOU might understand.
Edit 2: Richard, do I always have to read your comment like twice or thrice to fully understand it? Stop making me think soo much! But anyways, everything in language has to do with semiotics. Language represents reality and certain words may mean differently to different people.
A ‘rose’ in reality will always be a rose however the rose has many different connotations symbolising love, beauty, passion and the list goes on and on. What if those connotations were altered to a specific group of people? Let’s say the exact opposite. If they believe that a rose stands for corruption and evil who is to say that they’re right or wrong? To tell you the truth, I’ve lost my point ages ago as I still have little clue as to how rebut your comment 
Just on a side note: I came first in the Module C: Truth and Representation test at SEC last term Horray for me.
Horray for me.Play me like a recorder
Mar 11th
Hamlet: Will you play upon this pipe?
Guil: My lord, I cannot.
Hamlet: I pray you.
Guil: Believe me, I cannot.
Hamlet: I do beseech you.
Guil: I know no touch of it, my lord.
Hamlet: It is as easy as lying. Govern this ventages with your fingers and thumb, give it breath with your mouth, and it will discourse most eloquent music. Look you these are the stops.
Guil: But these cannot I command to any untterance of harmony. I have not the skill.
Hamlet: Why, look you now, how unworthy a thing you make of me. You play upon me, you would seem to know my stops, you would pluck out the heart of my mystery, you would sound me from my lowest note to the top of my compass; and there is much music, excellent voice, in this little organ, yet cannot you make it speak. ‘Sblood, do you think I am easier to be played on than a pipe? Call me what instrument you will, though you fret me, you cannot play upon me.
——————————-
That has to be my favourite bit throughout the entire play.
I lack expression. So many thoughts but have no words to express them in. I think that classifies me as an emo.
Anyways, I don’t have anything to say this week (or rather too much to say but can’t be fucked saying it cause I’ve said it all already).
Ta.
I bought gum today…
Mar 8th
I NEVER buy gum. NEVER. But today I bought gum. I hate gum. I hate the way people chew gum and I hate the way people spit it out. I hate it when people ask for a piece of paper to wrap around their gum in order to throw it out. I hate gum. But today, for the first time in my ENTIRE life I bought gum.
Okay…first S.H.E. now this what is happening to me?
I guess the reason I hate gum is the fact that I chew on it for like 10 minutes and then my mouth goes all dry and end up feeling like vomiting. But today I was like thinking…"It doesn’t hurt to buy gum and hope that it makes your teeth ‘whiter’" so that’s the reason I bought gum. I mean I brush my teeth twice a day. Just because I spend around 30 seconds brushing my teeth doesn’t necessarily I don’t put in the effort to do it. I’m not even conscious about brushing my teeth. It’s like an automated process. However, there are those days where I just think to myself "Okay I need to spend more effort brushing my teeth" so during those rare moments I spend around 5 minutes brushing my teeth. I hate gum.
But anyways, wouldn’t it be fun to walk up to a random stranger (assuming they’re not weird) and start a conversation? I mean I probably wouldn’t be able to do that. Though if you get me on a high and dare me to, I’ll probably be able to do it. Seriously, when random people start talking to me I get all closed up probably due to bad experiences with random people starting conversations. Like this one time when some guy walked up and began asking if he could have some chips or the time this random suggested something incestuous between my "sister" and I (long long story).
But still, it’s like you’re on the bus and you don’t know anybody, why not start a conversation with someone?
It’s always fun to be around an outgoing person but I don’t think any of the less outgoing people have ever thought about being more outgoing themselves.
I signed up to sell chocolates to raise money for the Children’s Hospital and I guess I can use that to just go around asking randoms whether or not they would like to buy some. How can anybody turn down chocolates? Especially since it’s for a good cause!
The stuff that goes on during Maths and on the bus…
Mar 7th
This is actually one of the moments I actually remember in Maths though I probably shouldn’t write it.
It actually happened yesterday…I think…yes I’m sure of it.
Alan: *singing*Anything you can do I can do better…I can do anything better than you.
Me: *Singing* Anything you can f*ck I can f*ck harder…I can f*ck anything harder than you.
Alan: Squirrel
Me: *Devious look* I have a comeback that will own you but if I saw it I might die.
Steven: What?
Alan: *reiterates what I said*
Steven: What? Amy?
Alan: *looks at me*
Me: *shifty look*
Alan: *sudden realisation and begins shoving me whilst I at the same time laughing my ass off*
Me: What? I didn’t say it, Steven did.
Alan: Yeah but you were thinking it.
Okay fine, that may not seem as funny, but at the time it was hilarious. Alan’s eyes were bulging as if I hit a sensitive spot (even though it was Steven that said it).
On the bus…with Steven (*SIGH*!!!)
Me: So…when are you going to get your P’s?
Steven: Probably next year
Me: But…don’t you want to drive your girlfriend (nothing can possibly describe the irony in that word) to the formal? *nudges him twice*
Steven: Nah…parents don’t trust me…
Me: What? They don’t trust you to have a girlfriend?
Steven: *indignant look*
That’s all for now.
Three reasons why I ought to be slapped…hard
Mar 3rd
Okay, I was actually beginning to get bored of my music. As in I find myself constantly scrolling through music manually. When I come upon adding new music to my mp3 player I can’t seem to find any suitable songs. I also find that I have 3 main types of music to listen to. One is angsty (Linkin Park etc), another is pumped up (Eminem etc) and the third is the "I need a girl" sort of music. I find that all my music fall into those three broad categories. I guess it can’t be helped people need to listen to angsty music when they feel sad, pumped up music to get…well…pumped up I guess and finally "I need a girl" music when they feel lonely.
Anyways, so couple nights ago, I decided to upload some new music. I ended up deleting some songs but not uploading any, at least none of my music. Then I thought to look up some of my Dad’s music (which is quiet a large collection). I saw a folder called "Chinese Songs" and thought "What the heck" clicked it and the first thing I saw was a song by S.H.E.
Evil John: Oh no, not that shit again!
Angel John: It can’t be that bad…plus I heard they were hot…
Evil John: How can you be so sure?
Angel John: Well, there’s three of em, one of em ought to be hot.
Evil John: Point well taken, but still it’s Asian MUSIC!
Angel John: STFU, go back to your black music.
So the next thing you know I clicked it and began listening.
Three reasons why I ought to be slapped…hard:
1. I was listening to S.H.E
2. I actually liked it.
3. I might even begin to download some more!
Oh dear god.
I guess the reason I’m afraid of listening to these sorts of things is the fact that I might end up liking them. Just like how I don’t watch any of those new tv shows in fear of actually likeing it and getting hooked.
Anyways, the song that I listened to was called "Brown Eyes" and yes its another typical Asian "I need a girl/guy" song.
Personally I like to go with the approach that if you actually need a girl/guy to make you happy, it won’t be worth it. Only you can make yourself happy and unless you can do that forget about getting a girl/guy.
That’s my understanding of the matter thus far and most likely would NOT like go any deeper than that.
On a side note: Kelvin is a girl who wants to be a guy.
