Archive for December, 2005

Ready for an emo moment?

Dec 30th

I did something either incredibly stupid or incredibly bold…

I got this junkmail from some chick (judging by the name) and I replied to the mail with two words "Fuck You". Two rather simple words is it not?

I’ve controlled myself pretty good these days but I just feel so helpless right now. It’s like generally when I see these junkmail, I simply "Report and Delete" but I just felt like having some sort of control if you know what I mean.

What is my ambition? I hope to create something splendid. Perhaps its a dream, perhaps its just a fantasy, but whatever it is, it seems so far away and impossible for me.

How can you get anywhere if you don’t know where to start, how to start it.

Go figure, I just got another email from the postmaster telling met that it was unable to send it to the recipient. I should’ve figured. *sigh* So again, I’ve made no difference.

Tell me. Are there people on your contact list whom you have 5 minute response times?

Seriously, sometimes I just give up talking to certain people, it takes them more than 5 minutes to reply and generally its a one liner, even worse if they reply with a simple "lol".

I can never tell how people use the word "lol" everybody has their own meaning when they use it. Some people use it to merely suggest that something funny has happened, others use it to merely pass time. Few actually use it to suggest actual laughter. I guess that’s where "rofl" or "lmao" comes in. Then theres also the capitalisation of "lol" does it add greater emphasis or what?

Argh, just got back on the comp after I let Dad use the comp.

I’m in no mood now, so here it goes. This will probably be my last blog…this year (yay!) as I won’t be able to blog tomorrow unless I hijack Jack’s computer

Let me try and insight you once more…/sarcasm

Dec 27th

Posted by John Jiang in WCEXO

4 comments

I’m so high at the moment.

I was planning to go to sleep but what the hell might as well write a blog whilst I’m still high. Though I feel that for every second that’s passed, its wearing off. I need it to last that much longer for me to finish this blog. I was considering writing a blog tomorrow but chances are I won’t be as genuine as I am now. Well I’ll try to be as genuine as I can. Note: Mind my grammer, and stuff that might not make sense. I’m high.

I can be an asshole. I believe everybody can agree to that some more so than others but it doesn’t really matter who thinks that I’m a bigger asshole what matters is that we all agree on with that one single fact.

Though I have to say, I’m usually not an asshole but sometimes I can be. Tonight I’ve been waken up to a lot of stuff and got a lot off my chest. Though I still feel dissatisfied. I don’t know how to express it or who to express it to. There is nobody I can express it to, NOBODY, but I’ll try and get it indirectly out of my head.

Anyways, I said something today, which just came to my head, I didn’t think about it, I just said it and for once it’s not from a movie or book or song or whatever text type you can think of. I guess it was from my…

I said "its the negative aspects which makes up somebody". Word by word.

I mean we all dislike somebody. I hardly doubt that everybody is cool with everybody. I mean, I’ve found that sometimes, those who I disliked became somebody who I liked and vice versa. It’s rather simple if you think about it. Why didn’t I like them in the first place? Cause they were an ASSHOLE! But how did I grow to like them? It’s cause people tend to show different sides of them and sometimes you happen to be there when they show you their negative aspects and that causes the dislike. But when they do show your their more appealing side, your mind is able to change. Likewise the same can occur when you think that somebody is cool and then gradually turns into an asshole. I’ve come across this sometimes where I find that somebody is all nice and stuff and then one day you are met upon by this one little uninviting person which throws you off your feet (in a bad way). It makes you feel that they’re a phony and what lies on the surface is merely a shell containing the darker aspects which remains concealed waiting to be released.

If you can cope with somebody’s negative aspects you can enjoy their positive aspects even more and thus friendships grow stronger (so corny – somebody slap me). So that’s what I think. You might have a different view but that’s just your opinion so go express it in your own blog or perhaps in a comment, whatever floats your boat. I hate phonies.

Francis (little

) alerts me of many factors as well which I apprecitate. I mean it’s true most people do not portray ALL of themselves but rather present a portion of themselves. I become more open amongst friends like normal people but I become extremely closed amongsth strangers. There is a fear is all this. I don’t know what to do. Will they like me or hate me? What if I do something wrong? What should I ask? How should I ask it? Am I becoming too direct? Am I too quiet? Should I act more "cool"? The list goes on. Generally what I do is simply not talk at all and some can interpret it badly. I mean I always think its a good idea not to talk to prevent anything bad from happening but not talking in itself is bad as it discourages otehrs to talk with you, nobody wants to talk to a person who doesn’t want to talk. So I guess that’s my bad. I’m getting a bit offtopic, but here’s my main point. We should portray an aspect of us that is suitable for the occassion. I mean sure you can feel like shit one day and don’t want to do anything but be aware that giving others a bad attitude isn’t going to help the situation any better. I mean this is all body language. It’s just that I tend to give people the "silent treatment" when I don’t know what to do or when I’m in a situation where I wished I wasn’t in. I hate being alone, being alone is probably the worst thing that could happen so when I’m alone I just want somebody to make me not alone rather than doing it myself to be not alone. Make sense? Who cares. So anyways, don’t portray an aspect that is bad, just be yourself and pretend your with your friends or something. Though I’m aware its easier said than done. I can’t do it myself, and I probably never will. You can’t just treat strangers as your friends though if you want to get off anyhere apart from the usual boring "Hi, so what school do you go to?" and then followed by the usual boring "Oh really? So what subjects are you doing?". I usually use those. I just can’t think of anything else!

Pfft, this is turning into a what-I-do blog and a what-I-shoudln’t-do-blog.

Anyway’s I can’t say I’m upset or anything. It’s just that sometimes it feels that things just turn out fine for me like in general. I worry about something and then in the end it turns out fine. Though I can imagine one time when the opposite occured, and I bet if you scrambled through my blogs over the years you can probably find it. Some people know about it, though I’m sure they never got two sides to it. But I’m not going to talk about it…probably someday to someone, but not now.

Man, Siobhan has like the biggest effect on anybody. Evertime I write about something of this nature I get reminded of what she wrote. Though I’m still confused over whether it was suppose to be a something comforting or insulting. I never asked her. She probably will never read this and for those who know her and is reading this DO NOT SAY ANYTHING.

Anyways she wrote "John- my cliché of a friend. You are what you are, and that is all you can ever be."

I guess that applies to everybody and not just me. You are what you are, and that is all you can ever be. No use pretending to be someone your not. My mum recently told me something insightful. She was on about how if you need to pretend to be something your not in order to impress someone it will only create unhappiness. The general message was you can pretend all you want but how long can you keep it up for? There will always be someone who likes you for who you are so if you actually find that there is a need to pretend there is no point cause ultimately it’s not worth it.

*sigh*

I’ve talked way to much.

Please excuse me for the several profanities used in this blog.

Good night. Just look at the time. Jesus.

Christmas Morning Hilarities

Dec 25th

Posted by John Jiang in WCEXO

Here are some hilarities for you guys to enjoy that has occurred yesterday.

—————————————————————————————-

[03:07:45 PM] kev: how’s your christmas eve?
[03:08:05 PM] John: isn’t tomorrow christmas eve?
[03:08:13 PM] kev: today
[03:08:17 PM] kev: 24th of december
[03:08:58 PM] kev: sure you want your christmas presents?
[03:09:05 PM] John: well
[03:09:08 PM] John: this is embarrassing
[03:09:16 PM] John: i thought tomorrow was christmas
[03:09:22 PM] kev: it is
[03:09:23 PM] John: christmas eve***
[03:09:34 PM] kev: mate, you need some coffee or something
[03:09:41 PM] John: damn it
[03:09:50 PM] John: i never get the proper date for christmas
[03:09:58 PM] kev: 25th
[03:10:03 PM] kev: 25th is like one of the best numbers
[03:10:10 PM] John: i even put it down on my rainlender that the 26 was christmas day
[03:10:15 PM] John: and that was a month ago…
[03:10:20 PM] John: so it just shows
[03:11:02 PM] kev: my god

[06:16:29 PM] «ÀwØñg»: "I wish my lawn was emo so itd cut itself"
[06:16:29 PM] «ÀwØñg»: O.o
[06:18:26 PM] John: hahahahha
[06:18:40 PM] John: dennis can say the same about his hair
[06:18:58 PM] «ÀwØñg»: true

—————————————————————————————-

[06:24:04 PM] John: when i type explosive into limewire
[06:24:08 PM] John: i get explosive orgasms
[06:24:16 PM] «ÀwØñg»: wtf
[06:24:26 PM] John: looking for the music video
[06:24:28 PM] «ÀwØñg»: i hopew you mean
[06:24:35 PM] «ÀwØñg»: ur limewire RETURNS "explosive orgasms"
[06:24:57 PM] John: hahahahhahahaha

—————————————————————————————-

[10:17:25 PM] kev: we should poker
[10:18:05 PM] John: but that would mean use of bandwidth

[10:18:13 PM] kev: ah, who cares

[10:18:20 PM] kev: we’ll be up for awhile anyway
[10:18:29 PM] kev: besides, I’m staying to welcome in christmas

[10:19:00 PM] John: hahaha
[10:19:08 PM] John: santa clause does not exist sally
[10:19:18 PM] kev: -_^
[10:19:23 PM] John: shit
[10:19:24 PM] John: shit
[10:19:24 PM] kev: I’m a girl now?
[10:19:24 PM] John: shit
[10:19:25 PM] John: shit
[10:19:26 PM] John: shit
[10:19:26 PM] John: shit
[10:19:27 PM] John: shit
[10:19:30 PM] John: kev
[10:19:31 PM] John: shit
[10:19:34 PM] kev: dude…this is quotable

[10:19:39 PM] kev: this is very quotable
[10:20:02 PM] kev: mate, I’m you’re gonna be beet red by the time I’m done with this

[10:20:25 PM] John: but it wasn’t wrong convo
[10:20:30 PM] kev: I know
[10:20:31 PM] John: i just accidentally put her name
[10:20:35 PM] John: damn

—————————————————————————————-

Edit: 26 December 12:57

I can’t be bothered writing up another blog and might as well add to this one. Currently helping my bro doing a unit of Year 1 basic skills.

If you haven’t realised I uploaded a new song onto my geocities account. D.H.T. – Listen to your heart. I heard this song and it has the like factor for me.

Also reading "Nineteen Eighty-Four" by George Orwell. Matrix has several references to this book and was planning to read it, who would’ve thought I’d be doing it for school

Killing two birds with one stone.

I understand now!

Dec 22nd

Posted by John Jiang in WCEXO

6 comments

Jesse asked me a question today…it wasn’t a hard question to answer, pretty simple for most but I found it awkward. The question was "how many girls do you know well john?" I kid you not.

So I didn’t really answer him but rather attempted to take a stab at him for asking, it was "lucky" in a sense that he had to leave for reasons unknown.

I was about to take a shower, doing the usual stuff people do to take a shower…i.e. stripping down. So amidst this I was thinking about the question. So I began being asking dumb questions to myself like "what does it mean by ‘know well’?" The next thing that came into my mind was the scene in Matrix Reloaded where after the battle between Seraph and Neo the following conversation occurred:

———————————————————————————–

Seraph: The Oracle has many enemies, I had to be sure.
Neo: Of what?
Seraph: That you were The One.
Neo: You could’ve just asked.
Seraph: You do not truly know someone until you fight them.

———————————————————————————–

It’s the last line that intrigues me. I’ve always taken that single line literally. Ah yes, you do not truly know someone until you fight them…of course. Though that’s always how I’ve taken it, assuming I knew what that single line meant where in fact I was just kidding myself.

So I was pretty much near butt naked when the thought hit me. It’s not literal, it’s metaphorical. Couples fight all the time and it occured to me that its all true, you don’t know anybody until you get into a "fight" with them. The "fight" is a test, a test to see whether a relationship can last under extreme circumstances.

The Matrix never ceases to amaze me, when you think you know it all, something comes along and hits you.

It’s easy to see the good side of people, but what about the bad? What’s the point of presenting your good side when everybody can’t stand your bad side? It’s the ability to cope with your bad side that is able to keep relationships going. I’m talking about relationships in a broader perspective though I really shouldn’t be talking about it at all. I’ve found that many of my closer friends and I have come across many difference and obstacles (and in the end it was ultimately rewarding…just taking a piss at you

) though that’s what made the friendship strong (I’m being so corny…). I mean that’s the thing isn’t it? Friendships and what not are delicate. One mistake and the whole thing collapses. That’s why I reckon, you overcome the obstacles in the beginning rather than stacking the deck until a single blow knocks the deck of cards down. You can be a phony and present a nice image but in the end, sooner or later, you will make a mistake and your true self is reviewed. It’s all pretty clear to me now. I’m glad for it.

Not sure if any of this makes sense, nor does it help anybody in anywhere, but it sure makes me feel better.

Waiting – A Review

Dec 22nd

Posted by John Jiang in WCEXO

1 comment

Watched a very interesting movie yesterday by the name of "Waiting". This would be the first time which I would enter a cinema without actually knowing what the film will be about. It was much like mystery box. You never know what’s in the box until you open it up.

The movie got off okay, was expecting what I would normally expect. Seemed like a teen flick, people getting drunk, guy wakes up to have his mother on the answering machine and realises that he’s girlfriend is sleeping next to him. Pretty normal I would say.

The breaking point for me would be when Monty turns to Mitch and says "How do you feel about frontal male nudity?" Imagine if you will, it’s your first day on the job and one of the first things your trainee asks you is that question. I was going "W-T-F" inside my head, but it was pretty funny, though inmature funny. I’m sure our row was the only row which laughed through majority of the "funny" scenes.

So how would you react to the film at this moment? Would you take the film seriously? Would you walk about the cinema screaming "What a waste of money"? or would you simply remain in your seat and attempt to find any point to further watch the film? Well, being Asian, I don’t think any one of us would walk out the cinema, we spent our money on it, might as well see how crap the film turns out right?

So what is the film about? Well I would say the film is centred around the character Dean, played by Justin Long who I remember as the guy from the show "Ed", who works in a diner known as Shenanigan’z. It shows the mischiefs that occur at the diner and the problematic issues each person faces.

The movie hits you in the face pretty strongly. It contains every restaraunt stereotype there is. The hot waitresses. The waiter who goes around having sex with the exployees. The socially deprived boss. The waiter who obviously does not belong. The homocidal chefs. The tied arse customers. The bitchy customers. The list goes on.

I actually enjoyed the film. It was funny (to some extent) and it wasn’t just purely stupid. I can’t classify it as a teen flick as it no way is close to American Pie, it’s not a chick flick, it’s pretty much just a comedy but it gets a bit deeper. It’s more of a satirical film which I would say criticises common misconceptions and stereotypes in regards to restaraunts though at the same time tells us to not be the bitchy customer or else get what we deserve. I found this line hilarious "I guess we should feel some sort of guilt, but she broke the cardinal rule; never fuck with people who handle your food".

Come on, the name of the Diner is called Shenanigan’z and for those who don’t know what Shenanigan’z means, it basically means a trick, a prank etc. I mean I probably guess most will walk about the cinema saying "Well, that was a stupid movie" well duh! I think that was what the directors, screenwriters, etc intended. Enjoy the damn movie already. In all I think there were deeper things to think about more simply than just "the-penis-showing-game".

It was a good film, but I guess you have to see it for yourself to really make a judgement for it yourself. I trully do believe most will think that it’s a pointless movie…fair enough. It’s ultimately their decision.

Mental Note 1

Dec 18th

Posted by John Jiang in WCEXO

2 comments

Here’s a mental note for all.

When a girl says "Whatever" she means "Fucking die cunt. Now you’ve crossed the line."

Translation thanks to Siobhan.

Edit:

@ Jesse: At least I listen to what girls have to say

Dear oh dear, not again.

Dec 17th

Posted by John Jiang in WCEXO

4 comments

Well, internet explorer crashed and so I lost my blog entry…again…this is probably the third time now. So stupid.

Argh well, it was meant to be I guess.

Anyways, click the below link.

http://www.deviantart.com/view/26351005/

I made the wallpaper, and yes I realise her left breast is bigger than the right, must be an illusion or something.

Anyways, went to Alan’s place today

Had great fun. Like I said in my previous blog which got trashed, I didn’t get the opportunity to searched for buried porn inside Alan’s computer. Hehe, I’m sure I would have found some.

I feel pretty happy, played AOEIII at City Hunter afterwards. In the end my score was six hundred something, nearly doubling second place’s score. I almost six timed second place’s score in resources. The one computer game I’m good at…for now. I’m sure others will end up overtaking, spending several hours a day training and what not.

I think I just underwent the slingshot effect as I travelled through egos which have been undergoing strong gravitational pull.

Hehe, yesterday was pretty interesting on the train. David Cao was complaining (bitching) about his Eco mark and I’m not the type to fake "sincere" emotions, either you mean it or you don’t, no use pretending. So anyways, he was going on about how he tried for the test and still got so bad. With that I began singing "In the End" by Linkin Park. It was a pretty good call, if there were other Linkin Park fans around but unfortunately I presume everybody around me simply thought I was being lame.

We then went on about how to get over bad test marks, with David saying how bitching helps, though it’s not helping him. I made the suggestion that he is able to exploit his prefect powers, with David deviously looking up to a junior. Haha. I then recommended to write a blog with David responding "But you never know who’s reading them."

That got me thinking. It’s so true! You can’t control who reads your blog. I mean sure I get the odd asshole here and there writing useless crap, the lurkers that often crawl around through my blog, taking pleasure in reading other people’s lives. It’s all okay I guess, I’m not that too concerned as to who reads my blog but there is something there that just goes to me "John, one day you might write something and somebody who you didn’t expect to read your blog reads your blog" and that’s what’s scary. You write something and then out of nowhere a particular person ends up reading it and yeah, stuff happens.

I’m feeling nostalgic every now and then. Saw some baby pictures of my bro yesterday and yeah man has he gotten big. Also, I also get images of people in my school back when they’re in year 7. The transformation that has undergone in these measly 5 years or so. Some things never change and some things do, though what I’ve found is that personality hardly ever changes in those 5 years. People may look different but their overall personality remains the same, this can be both good or bad.

Looks like Jesse is alive afterall, like sometime last week I just randomly sent him an SMS and surprising he replied. Apparently, he’s given up MSN. Anyways, hope to see you at SEC next term buddy. Jesse is such a girls name.

There’s nothing to worry about…because there’s nothing to fear.

Dec 16th

Posted by John Jiang in WCEXO

1 comment

In this day and age, there is too much fear in the world.

Does the world seriously stop spinning as soon as terrorists attack a specific nation? The world keeps spinning, but in the minds of individuals certain aspects stops.

A plane crashes. People get the sudden idea that flying is now dangerous, unaware of the fact that transport by air is the safest form of transportation whilst cars are the most dangerous. That danger factor in cars do not stop people from buying expensive, high performance vehicles which is capable of being driven under the hands of a 17 year old. A machine that is capable of wrecking havoc to not on the driver itself, but also it’s passengers within the car, the people in other cars and the everyday pedestrians.

There is a bombing in Bali. People cease from visiting it. Shops close. It’s economy a wreck. People now deem Bali a place of mourning. What about the attacks in England? Fear has escalated to an extent where a shoot-to-kill policy has been enforced. Is that totally necessary? What use is a dead terrorist if an alive terrorist may be more useful?

Lately there’s the riots in NSW. Who’s right? Who’s wrong? Nobody. Neither are right nor wrong, yet both are idiot in their own way or form. Perhaps the riots are overated by the media as usual, given more attention than it should. How is it that the bashing of lifeguards infuriate a whole community whilst the uprising of the "One Nation" party generated less than remarkable demonstrators. Words mean nothing in today’s world, if ever. The power of language is only limited inside it’s one controlled environment. Language has the power to start wars yet does not have the power to end it. Force is necessary to end something. Winning by force is more satisfying.

There is nothing to fear.

Don’t get too excited John…

Dec 10th

Posted by John Jiang in WCEXO

3 comments

He he he. I love random people commenting on my blog, generally it’s something interesting to read. But I find, interest on my blog is generally short lived. Sooner or later, I write something that does not satisfy people and they just go "Oh what a lame blog" and off they go. That’s the thing with writing, you can never satisfy everybody. I like to go for the I don’t-care-what-you-think-of-me attitude but that can have MANY complications as I’m pretty self-consciouse.

Anyways, enough about me.

Hold on, let’s talk some more about me.

Today, went to SEC. Pretty interesting. Interesting lesson for English. Writing is getting monotonous, I hate understanding how the English language works, past participals, subjects and what not. So confusing.

Did my English speech, went better than I expected. Though it wasn’t fancy like the others, using big words here and there, but I reckon I coped pretty well, considering it was like a 30 minute job. I managed to through a bit of Matrix into there as well. Did I mention I love Matrix?

After SEC, went to Galaxy. Played pool with Henry. Lost. Didn’t really care in-game but got extremely frustrated post-game trying to sink the rest of the 5 balls. Sally had the pleasure of watching the game…again.

Afterwards, played Daytona, I mostly likely would have came second if I didn’t enter the damn pit stop! Took me 39 seconds to complete one lap so I had to catch up. By the time I was catching up, it was the last lap. Ended up coming 5th.

So afterwards, we (the SEC people) questioned on what to do next. Long story short, I ended up leaving at 1. Didn’t exactly have the greatest of all goodbyes, it was one of those it-doesn’t-really-matter-if-I-was-there-or-not goodbyes and yeah, not very charming.

Went to McDonalds, bought a meal, rushed off to station with train arriving just as I reached the bottom of the escalators. Go me.

I got off at Rockdale, went to Rockdale Plaza and began shopping around. Long story short, I ended up buying a pair of handgrips and Eminem’s "Curtain Call" album. I probably will never take the disks out of the album and keep it somewhere safe away from the prying hands of my brother but somewhere where I can see. I don’t know where, cause I don’t have a cabinet or anything. I also saw this Eminem/50 Cent poster at BigW. Was so tempted to buy it but decided, I don’t really have a need for it as I would have no where to hang it. So I avoided impulse buying i.e. avoided buying things which I do not need. Some may say I do not need the album but I beg to differ. I feel I ought to buy one of Eminem’s album for once so I did. It probably will be his last so might as well.

So yeah, who says money can’t bring you happiness?! I’m happy at the moment, but it’s only short term. So in conclusion, money can bring short term happiness but there are some things money can’t buy (for everything else there’s mastercard

). But yeah, too many people are corrupted by money. Mystified by it.

So yeah. I’m done for now. Rather short blog ain’t it not?

Never been afraid to say what’s on my mind at

Dec 9th

Posted by John Jiang in WCEXO

So…how y’all doing?

I have 5 sets of SEC homework to complete by the end of tonight. So I guess I’ll just write this for warm up. Rather lame of me, but meh, doesn’t really bother me.

Anyways, I actually filled out the SRC nomination form, got it signed and handed it in. Why did I do it? Causality.

Cause and effect. The one universal truth…well according to the Merovingian in the Matrix anyway.

<rant>

I dislike how people do things so that it benefits them one way or another or simply do it because EVERYBODY else is doing it. For example, peer support, everybody signed up and when you actually ask people why they signed up, they will go "Cause everybody else signed up" or "Because you get two days off". Though some may say it to provide a false sense of security to others. I guess that’s the reason I didn’t sign up, everybody else did so I felt that I shouldn’t have those two reasons to sign up to peer support.

Now SRC is a similar thing, people register so if they do make it, they can make a claim that they have "Leadership" qualifications just to enter Cadetship. I find that extremely pathetic especially when people write down things which what I like to deem "bs".

</rant>

Okay I’ll stop ranting now.

So anyways, the reason I signed up was simply due to the fact that others did also. I deserve to be slapped. I also did it so I can have a better opportunity for future "options". I deserve to be double slapped. Though I’m sure there’s something deep down, that tells me to sign up simply for the sake of signing up. Whatever, I probably won’t make it.

Well SEC time.

Archive for December, 2005

Grep